These questions will provide you with serious, thoughtful insight into your partner’s inner workings, and will go a long way in determining if you are made for each other-or doomed to fail.
1. How many children do you want? The question of children is a critical one that most people don’t discuss early enough. Thinking they may scare their mate off, or are being pushy, they don’t ask this question, but it often ends up being a deal breaker down the road. There may not be that great a difference between one and two, but there is between six and none!
2. Do you think stereotyping is a good thing? Some people see stereotypes as a useful tool to navigate the world, while others believe they are limiting. People who are okay with stereotypes are fundamentally different from those who think they are bad. Knowing where you stand on the spectrum, as opposed to the person you are with, is imperative for harmony in the future.
3. Do you have any prejudices? If someone is very prejudiced, it can alter the way you look at them. We often keep our harder beliefs hidden until later in the relationship. Putting it all out there is important, because you want to know how someone feels up front, so it isn’t a surprise or a deal breaker once you have fallen in love.
4. Do you think men and women are equal? If you are someone who believes a girl can do anything a guy can do, while she is more of a “guys are protectors and women should stay at home” kind of gal, there are going to be problems in the future. Having similar ideas about gender responsibilities and limitations are important to determine roles as you become a couple.
5. Where is a woman’s place? You want to stay home, but he wants you to work. See how that can cause a problem? If you are a working girl now but want to stay at home with the kids, that is important to discuss before you are knee-deep in a mortgage and a growing family.
6. Which is more important: family or money? Does she believe in sacrificing family time to be more financially secure, or does she think that money can’t buy happiness? What are you both willing to do without—time or money? Worker bees and leisure-seeking individuals often do not meld well.
7. What type of relationship did you have with your parents? Did they get along with their parents? The apple usually does not fall far from the tree. Finding out if he got along with his parents will tell you what type of family life he had, and whether it was open and loving or critical and challenging. That is important, because history has a tendency to repeat itself. If his parents were harsh and overly critical, it is more likely that he will unconsciously follow suit when he has children.
8. If you could go anywhere, where would it be? Is he an adventurer or a history buff? If you like to climb mountains and he would rather grab a good book on the beach, that could cause problems in your future. It isn’t that opposites don’t attract, but if you have nothing in common but being fun to look at, it will make for a challenging union.
9. Is an expensive car necessary to you? This question will tell you what they value. An expensive car is usually something people get to show off to others. If you are someone who drives a late-model Monte Carlo not because you have to, but because you don’t care, then you probably don’t value appearances as much as he does. Having different mindsets about the importance of what you show to the world can cause real difficulties about spending habits.
10. If I loved something, would you support me—no matter what? What if you wanted to go on a sabbatical to Africa to help underprivileged children? Would they be willing to let you go, and support you in your dreams? Likewise, if you wanted to become a porn star, would they be okay with it and back you up? It is important to know where they stand on fostering your dreams and if they will provide you with unconditional love and support.